so....

It’s not because I get too saturated with everything that makes me turn my back on to someone, but the fear of waking up one morning knowing that I already fall in love with him deeply and then he’s not feeling the same anymore. I’m too scared to be left behind that’s why I can’t take the risk…that’s the reason why I’m too scared to be inlove. 

I have experienced not being loved in return and it took me 5 years to realize that I'm wasting too much time hurting and waiting for someone who doesn't really care about me but being loved by the person you love and losing it just because I can't be anything he's asking for?....That I don't know if I could take.

I know... I'm not sweet... I can't be.. I just feel it's too unnatural if I tried too. I'm not that pretty, there's always someone better than me... somebody who could turn people heads around... someone who's skinnier and taller... Someone who you can brag about to anyone...and EVERYONE. I'm just too insecure and too fearful that one day you'll see her...and you would tell me that I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I just don't want to feel it again....that I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH for someone :( cause honestly...I'm trying so hard to be a better person everytime.

Falling inlove makes people vulnerable. It drives them out of control-- of their emotions, of the situation...and I'm just too scared to not be in control... I'm too terified too feel the uncertainty of life... it just makes everything too frightening.. :((